I wanna bring you to show and tell
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
