hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
