just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
