Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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