thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
