I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have tasted many bathrooms
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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