I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
