We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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