I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
