we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
