My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
