After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
