Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
