I accidentally had phone sex last night
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
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