I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
