Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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