I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
