p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
