he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
