margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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