Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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