Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
