i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
