i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
