haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
