best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You may now shotgun with the bride
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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