Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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