Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
