Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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