Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
