you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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