I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
