i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
