i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
