I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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