Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
