I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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