and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
