I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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