if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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