So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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