It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
