sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
