Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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