I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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