he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
