Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
