Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
