Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Panties = found
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
