The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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