if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
