If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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