My Higher Power is John Stamos
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
