I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
