last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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