his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
