Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my sisters under your porch take her home
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The Olympian is in my bed
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
