if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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