Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
