it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is her dick bigger than yours?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
