she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
