ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
